from now on my penis is your penis
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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