thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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