I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize