OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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