it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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