My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize