All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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