Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.

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  (617): Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die. http://tfl.nu/uh26
  Replies (6) Good night (584) Bad night (1854) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?

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  (716): do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car? http://tfl.nu/kx3d
  Replies (10) Good night (3029) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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  (715): Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel. http://tfl.nu/yi2m
  Replies (15) Good night (3156) Bad night (884)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1526) Bad night (5108) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

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  (626): HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN? http://tfl.nu/rsqz
  Replies (51) Good night (5893) Bad night (2031) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.

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  (206): and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/jfbz
  Replies (4) Good night (993) Bad night (2518) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"

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  (631): Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it" http://tfl.nu/tnve
  Replies (40) Good night (5204) Bad night (4965) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7

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  (617): On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7 http://tfl.nu/lyiq
  Replies (3) Good night (2541) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR

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  (516): VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR http://tfl.nu/4b6v
  Replies (3) Good night (1442) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.

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  (978): I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk. http://tfl.nu/so98
  Replies (13) Good night (1580) Bad night (394)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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  (315): Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking. http://tfl.nu/luay
  Replies (7) Good night (1529) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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  (308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7
  Replies (0) Good night (736) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.

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  (312): I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM. http://tfl.nu/w4qm
  Replies (2) Good night (1060) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in

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  (954): I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in http://tfl.nu/4adg
  Replies (4) Good night (761) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.

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  (662): We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings. http://tfl.nu/gskc
  Replies (7) Good night (915) Bad night (247) Order T-Shirt

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