I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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