Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize