After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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