Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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