running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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