My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize