Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize