she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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