apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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