My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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