Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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