How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize