I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The air was thick with penises
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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