I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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