Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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