Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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