Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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