Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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