I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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