The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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