just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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