covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
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You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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