Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize