I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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