You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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