I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
