well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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