Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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