My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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