I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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