This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just invented taco cereal.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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