i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize