if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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