she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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