I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize