did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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