i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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