2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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