There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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