Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My vagina is officially offended.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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