There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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