Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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