Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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